Dumb & Luck
by ApprenticeTrashmen
Summary: After dating for a while, Bang has worked up the courage to ask Bullet to move in with him. And she said yes! However, Bang is in for quite the surprise as to what the phrase 'home sweet home' means to Bullet.


**Hey, a non Ragna x Rachel fic. How 'bout that shit? Seeing as they got to be canon I figured show some love to a pairing I don't really see that much and actually managed to be decent. Hope you enjoy.**

**And don't own BlazBlue. You would know if I did because I would just give it to Daisuke and let him fix it.**

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The sun shined bright on a fine morning in Ikaruga, but even it could not compare to the luster of Bang's smile as he practically skipped down the street. How could he not be now that he and his darling Bullet were living under the same roof? Part of him was worried that he was bringing it up too soon, but after dating for a couple of months there was no doubt in his mind that she was the only one for him. Well, he actually knew as much a while before, but he didn't want to seem like a weirdo and scare her off. Nevertheless, he worked up the courage to ask and in typical Bullet fashion she responded simply and easily.

Nothing more than a "sure" with a shrug was all he got, but it was all he needed.

And seeing as neither were ever the type to hesitate, they got her settled in that very day. Of course seeing as the task was made simple due to the fact she has so few possessions, they were free to spend their evening together. Oh, and did they ever. While Bullet might not have had the most fun with Bang's many Japanese themed games, she did have fun with how wound up Bang got over it, as she usually does. That, and it helps that he managed to make a great meal for her. Then, they retired to what was now _their _bedroom for a wonderful night of passion.

Bang's smile somehow grew even bigger just by thinking about it.

It was that amazing night that put Bang in a better mood than usual and gave him the idea to sneak out early at the crack of dawn to do some shopping. He would hopefully cook her up a breakfast to match the dinner he made her last night, too. Giddy over the thought of wowing Bullet with his cooking once again, Bang took off like a jet for their home to get to work.

Ah, _their_ home.

He loved the sound of that!

The power of love brought on by those thoughts made the Ikaruga Ninja lighter than air, nearly letting him soar across the rooftops. He couldn't help but think the sight of the city looked beautiful today. However, it would also go without saying that even the beauty of Ikaruga had nothing on the fiery angel that was waiting for him.

And he wouldn't dare make her wait a second longer!

A final, mighty leap carried him the remaining distance and let Bang come crashing down right at the front door of his and Bullet's home. Not that it could possibly impede his momentum at this point. The overexcited ninja thankfully had the sense to throw the door open, but only just in the knick of time before he started causing property damage.

It wasn't like such a thing could possibly dampen his mood now that he could lay his eyes on the most beautiful woman in the world once more.

"BULLET! I HAVE RETURNED HOME!" Bang declared with his usual, unnecessary gusto.

"I figured that had to be you. Well, you or a truck smacked into our house." Bullet called from out of sight. Sounded like she was in the bedroom, if Bang had to guess. "Where've you been, anyway?

"Hm? I have been at the market. I could've sworn I left you a note…" Bang scratched his chin in contemplation. He heard Bullet scoff in response.

"Yeah, but how many times have I told you I can't read Japanese? To be honest I still have to say it barely looks like any Japanese I've ever seen either."

"That…that's exactly why I wrote it in Japanese, you see! I thought you needed practice!" Bang nervously defended himself as he kicked off his boots at the door. "But you are right. That was a bit short sighted of me and I apologize. Hopefully the breakfast I have planned can make up for it!"

Bang heard her chuckle that low, quiet way she usually does.

"Relax, it's not like it's a big deal. Although, that doesn't mean I won't accept some breakfast. If its half as good as the dinner you made last night I would hate to miss out." Bang heard Bullet's voice steadily growing closer along with the sound of her footsteps.

However, Bang was hardly focusing on that and more so lost in warm, fuzzy feelings caused by hearing Bullet compliment his cooking. He owed Ragna the greatest thank you right along with the best hug for the pointers. Though knowing that grouchy criminal he wouldn't particularly appreciate a big ol hug, but it was the thought that counts! Everyone knows that! And right now, he was ready to pour every positive, loving thought he could muster into a breakfast for his one and only!

Practically floating his way through their home, Bang made it to the kitchen intent on showing Bullet everything he planned to make for her. Yet, before he was able to get settled in, the woman herself also rounded the corner. The ninja mentally braced himself to take in her beauty like he always did, but nothing could've helped him prepare for the sight before him now. Standing there was his fiery flower in nothing more than a pair of boxers and a towel draped across her shoulders. The light sheen of sweat that clung to her perfectly sculped form only added to her radiance as well as the illusion that she was literally a shining angel in Bang's eyes. He was so taken aback, in fact, that he didn't have the wherewithal to properly set down the grocery bag and instead dropped it in the middle of the floor.

Not very becoming of one of Lord Tenjo's students, but surely it wasn't his fault! No, not with an actual goddess standing before him!

"Aw, damn. That was wasteful of you." Bullet commented as she strode forward and crouched down to survey the damage. However, what Bullet didn't seem to realize was even the most mundane of actions was a veritable feast for the eyes. So much so that Bang felt positively guilty for drinking in the sight to the fullest extent he was able. Although, while longer than he would've liked to admit, his modesty did kick in eventually.

"W-W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Bang fumbled to cover his eyes and willed himself to not peak through his fingers.

"Hm? I just finished my workout. What's wrong?" Bullet asked hopping back to her feet, and Bang had to suppress that glorious mental image.

"Y-Your clothes, Bullet! You can't dress like…like that!" Bang stammered out.

Not that Bang could see it, but Bullet looked herself over genuinely perplexed. She hadn't the foggiest idea what Bang was driving at, but that wasn't always out of the norm with him. The ninja was usually a bit odd to say the least. That was in a good way though. At least it was to Bullet.

At any rate, she didn't know what the heck Bang was on about this time and decided to just take a shot in the dark.

"You mean…my boxers?" She asked, pulling at the waistband. "Well, I _have _been wearing them since yesterday so, I guess they're due a wash. Good call."

Bang didn't even need to look to know what Bullet was doing. As quickly as he could move himself with his eyes still closed, Bang lunged forward and snatched Bullet's forearms just as she got her boxers halfway down her ass.

"Bang!? What the hell is the matter with you!?" The mercenary demanded.

"It isn't about what you are wearing, but rather the lack thereof!" He responded.

"…Hah? But yesterday you said to make yourself at home."

Bang had to suppress a sigh. Patience was a virtue, but sometimes Bullet made it really, really hard to uphold that standard!

"Its your…your bosom, Bullet! You're practically nude!"

"Oh… So?" Bullet blinked.

"You can't just walk around like that!" Bang gave her a shake.

"How come?" Bullet asked, honest to god perplexed. "Its just you and me here and its not like I mind you looking. Unless… You don't want to see them?"

"NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH!" Bang yelled, the sheer audacity of such a claim forcing him to throw his arms out and go wide eyed in disbelief. Though it didn't take long for him to re-cover his eyes after getting another look at the impeccable, caramel colored goods.

Not that Bullet took notice of his self-induced distress.

"Yeah, I assumed as much with the way you're always pawing at them." Bullet mused. She never did fully understand exactly why Bang was always so enamored with her chest, to tell the truth. Still, they made him happy and he made them feel good so it was a win-win as far as she was concerned.

Though it didn't explain why he was freaking out so badly, she thought.

And Bang was just as much at his wits end trying to explain what he believed should be common knowledge.

"Bullet, you…you just… People don't do this, okay!?"

"That's fine. People can do whatever they want and so will we. If its how I'm comfortable and you like 'em anyway then that's all that should matter." Bullet reasoned.

The matter of fact way she spoke had Bang at a loss. He couldn't poke any holes in her logic per say, but…but there was just no way this was real, right? Men didn't just return home to their topless, VERY well-endowed girlfriends every day, right!? The ninja felt blessed enough as is being with Bullet at all so to add on top of that being able to see her huge, perky, soft…

And with that train of thought, Bang had come to his perfect counter argument. Whether he wanted to admit it or not.

"Well, my love, I'm afraid there is still one problem with his situation…" Bang began, though his voice was getting stuck in this throat.

"Yeah? Come on, spit it out already, man." Bullet said, her own patience over this little game was also starting to dwindle as she was blissfully unaware of the ninja's mounting shame. However, he could hardly blame her. Hesitation was not typically a word that could be found in Bang Shishigami's dictionary, after all.

However, he had a perfectly justifiable excuse for it! He just couldn't be sure how she would react! Disgust, surely, but what else? Would she forcibly throw him out? Would _she _move out altogether? What if she never wanted to see him again!? He would rather commit one of those ceremonial suicides than experience that happening! At least then he may be able to retain SOME honor after revealing his terrible, horrible, perverse—

"BANG!" Bullet's bark made the sweaty Ikarugan flinch back. "Out with it! Now!"

"F-Fine! Just… Just please remember me as the man I was and not for what I have become…" Bang's shaky breath sounding more and more like he was giving his final death rattle as he braced himself to lose the best thing that ever happened to him due to his own weakness. "You see, love…if you were to stay like…like _that_ then I… I wouldn't be able to contain my a-arousal! I would constantly be…erect!"

"Oh…"

DAMN HIS ACCURSED, BURNING LOINS! A true man would not be a slave to his base instincts! Now he would bear his lost love's scorn as penance and then if not a ceremonial death then he would retreat into the mountains and become a hermit. Perhaps then if he were to live for another one hundred years, he may become a man worthy of a woman like Bullet.

Dropping to his knees in shame, Bang prepared for his well-deserved punishment. Thinking back on all the events that led him up to this moment, he felt fortunate he was able to get a glimpse of heaven even if it was just to be snatched away.

"Jeez, you had me worried that it was something serious. Why would I mind something like that? It's a natural response."

"Wha… What…?" Bang wheezed, life finding its way back into his body.

"Yeah, totally. I read it in a book and everything." Bullet said with pride, bringing her hands to her hips as if for emphasis. Bang should know by now not to underestimate her, the mercenary thought. She added studying about relationships to her workout regimen for a reason. However, her sense of satisfaction would not last.

"You're missing the point!" Bang bellowed as he took to his feet and grabbed Bullet by the shoulders to shake her about, undoubtably creating quite the spectacle if only he was looking. "Don't get me wrong, you have removed a great weight from my shoulders, but there is an important factor you are _still _neglecting!"

"Well, what is it then!?" Bullet questioned.

In response, Bang jumped back to where he was standing before and furiously gestured at his crotch.

"These aren't exactly comfortable, I'll have you know! I can't be expected to walk around erect all the time! It would be pure agony, woman!"

"I'll just take care of it then!"

"…Wait. What are you trying to say…?" Bang thinking she surely misspoke.

"Look." Bullet sighed. "If the only problem you have with the way I dress is it gives you a stiffy then I'm happy to get rid of it. Boy, I usually don't mind when you get all wound up like this, but talk about an overreaction."

"You _can't _mean it…" Bang muttered with pure skepticism. This couldn't be anything other than one of Bullet's classic misunderstandings!

"Why not? I figured its one of the main reasons people lived together." The lady merc shrugged, completely relaxed once more.

"Don't be a fool, Bullet!" Bang took a step forward to get face to face with his buxom brawler again. "Take but a moment to consider your own gorgeous looks and this will likely happen very, very often!"

"So? You're saying that like it's a bad thing. Its fun and feels real good so this sounds like a good excuse if nothing else to me. You _do _like it too, right?"

"MORE THAN I CAN EVER PUT TO WORDS BUT—"

"But nothin' then. If you like the way I look, I'm happy to take care of your wiener, and we both enjoy it then there are no problems." Bullet's simple resolve once again left Bang stunned silent.

This really wasn't just some fantastic dream, right? No man was _this _lucky, right!? And yet his logical mind could poke no holes in Bullet's blunt mindset.

"You really, honestly, truly do not mind…? And you don't think any less of me for my lack of restraint?" Bang desperately tried to affirm one last time.

"Of course not. I mean, if nothing else it would make me a huge hypocrite because I've been horny all morning."

Bang's eyes shot open in tandem with his jaw dropping.

"HUUUH!?"

"Oh, sure. And all this talk about privates made it worse." Bullet flashed a small half-smile and gave Bang's chest a bump with the back of her fist. "Come on. I need to take a shower so we can do it in there. I read about that in a book, too."

With that, Bullet turned and headed for the bathroom, and this time Bang savored every sway and jiggle her unparalleled, voluptuous body had to offer.

Part of him still weakly tried to argue this was wrong on some level, but (several) other parts of his being silenced it! So some may see it as improper. So it may fly in the face of some of his more time-honored values. So what!? As long as Bullet was both comfortable and happy, he could put those other thoughts far from his mind for it was a man's duty to please his woman above all else! And besides…

"Bang! You comin' or what? I figured you could soap up my girls like ya like!"

His clothing was practically torn off and he was out of the kitchen before they could even hit the floor.

For who was he to complain? Forget calling himself the luckiest man in Ikaruga!

"I'M THE LUCKIEST MAN IN THE WORLD!"

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**Done and done. Drop a review if you feel like it. Points to anyone who can figure out my bad joke for the title.**

**Hopefully I will be back again before long. Either for our favorite mass mudering terrorist's birthday, or maybe a follow up for my cross tag fic due to the unfortunate news. Not sure yet, but hey, might as well take thoughts on that, too, if anyone is interested. Bye. **


End file.
